Monday, July 23


Back to my regularly scheduled self-involvement...

I am dramatic.  I always knew this, but it really hit home last week. Case in point, I am bored with MDLL now that the elephant in the room is gone. I AM THE WORST.

We hang out, we have fun, we have great talks, we have amazing sex, and we love each other.  Rinse and repeat. BORING.  Where's the excitement?  Where's the fight?  Where are the tears, the heartache, the knots in my stomach? 

I told MDLL how I felt last night.  He laughed and said, "I can get married again if you want."  Nicely done, sir. 

This is the first time in my life I am in a happy, healthy, stress-free relationship.  There's always some sort of drama within my family or friends, so I honestly do not know what to do with myself right now.  It's almost like a phantom limb - I can feel the old drama, but there's nothing actually there. I sort of miss it.  Do I break up with him? Do I punch him in the face?  He's already bald, so I can't shave his head in his sleep.  Should I shave my head in my sleep?  WHAT DO SANE COUPLES DO AT THIS JUNCTURE??

Interestingly enough, I am in the middle of a rough spot with someone else. I don't consider it drama, just something that happens to friends after a while.  Naturally I chose to meet it head on rather than let it run its course, which is my way for most things in life.  Am I confrontational because I am dramatic?  Vice versa?  Can you be one without the other?

I learned so much about myself the past two weeks because of the shift in these two relationships.  It's eye-opening, exciting, sad, and overwhelming.  I love delving into myself to find my truths, to know who I really am, but I need a way to do this without involving others.  The problem is, I don't think it's possible.  Who am I without You and our shared experiences?  Who am I without Your opinion of me?  Who are any of Us without each Other?  What is the meaning of anything and everything!?!?! GAH!


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