Saturday, April 21

Tonight part 2

I was feeling pretty good when I left the bar, good enough to take the subway home even though it was 3am.

I was sitting in the first car with a few random people, ipod blasting, ignoring the world. All of a sudden I heard some screaming. I took out my earphones and saw a young girl getting sort of manhandled in the front of the car.

I went to school for psychology like most nutcases do. One of the many things I found interesting were the case studies about group mentality. Long experiment short, a person is more likely to react to a call for help when they are by themselves instead of in a group.

So here I am sitting near about 4 dudes and a chick, hearing a young girl screaming like she was being raped and you know what? No one did a damn thing. I sat there for a few minutes taking in the screams, observing the reactions of the people around me, and immediately started hating all of us for not doing anything.

It was one of those moments in life when you're like fuckshit, the world is an evil place and this incident is bursting the comfortable oblivious bubble I live in. Awful thoughts ran in my head while I heard her scream. I looked at the people around me hoping that one of them would say something, anything, just so I wouldn't have to. They didn't. And you know what? I was pissed. How dare you not do anything? How dare you not get up and find out what's going on?

Finally I couldn't ignore it anymore. I got up and sat right across from the commotion. I said fuck it, I get hurt, this girl gets hurt, at least I'll go down doing something noble.

I sat there and watched the girl and the two guys around her. The three of them were maybe 20 years old. She was screaming, pushing, and yelling to get these guys off of her. The guys were trying to calm her down. I watched this and immediately wanted to punch the girl in the face to shut her the fuck up. Am I awful for saying that? Sure...and here's why.

That girl scared the shit out of me.

She screamed from a place where I hope no one ever has to scream from. It was fucking awful to hear and even more awful to watch since no one knew what was happening. I asked one of the guys if she was okay and he said that she gets like this when she's drunk. I believed him. I like to think I'm a good judge of character and I have to say, the two guys looked like good kids. The girl was angry and plastered...I honestly don't think the boys were hurting her.

It was weird to not defend her. Even worse, there was only one reason why I confronted them in the first place. I'm embarrassed to admit that it wasn't saving the girl that got me was sticking it to the people around me that didn't.

When I stood up and started walking towards them, something inside me fed off of the other people's fears. I used their energy to fuel my own and as horrible as it sounds, it felt good. It felt good to make the other people feel bad not getting up, more than it felt good to save the girl.

I feel like an honest to god asshole...but at least I'm honest, right?

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