Definitely, Maybe

I haven't gone to the movies by myself in years, but today I treated myself to Definitely, Maybe. I LOVED IT! See? I am a real live girl.

Ryan Reynolds is oh so charming, I want Abigail Breslin to be my daughter, and I now have a crush on Isla Fisher. The movie is original, cute, and funny. I was giggling the whole time.

I had to fight back some tears a couple of times, though. I'm totally fine crying during a movie when I'm out with the girls, but there's a word for a chick by herself, sobbing through a romantic comedy with a one-sleeve box of Oreos in her lap (addictive personality much?). What the hell is the word I'm looking for??? Oh, right. Pathetic.

Anyhoo, by the end of the movie I felt really good. It filled me with hope, renewing my faith in love, men, and myself.

In fact, I felt cozy and romantic all day until I was about to write this post. I checked my Yahoo account and saw this headline:

How to Train a Husband
Want an obedient spouse? A new book says you should coach them like animals.

What the fuck?? I skimmed it real quick and it is, what's the word again? Oh, right. Pathetic.

Ladies, I think we make shit harder on ourselves. While I don't have a boyfriend, I do hang out with a lot of guys so I feel confident giving a suggestion. You want an obedient spouse? It's simple:

BLOW JOBS. Give him one for every good deed. It's a win-win situation. Your house is clean, his pipe is clean, and you'll never get a sore throat again.

Damn I'm good.