Piccolapupula!!

Rockstar said she wanted to do something new and fun for her birthday this year. What did she pick?? TRAPEZE. Yes, trapeze-trapeze.

My reaction? "I am a self-conscious 180 pound woman with no upper body strength. OF COURSE I'll do trapeze!"

Unfortunately, B got the flu and an awful sinus infection last week so she wasn't able to go. I tried to reschedule, but their policy states you need to give 3 days notice before you cancel. I stupidly didn't think to check the website earlier in the week, so I had two options, eat the money or go by my lonesome. I chose the latter.

That's right ladies and germs I, Thighs McGee, did trapeze this morning. IT. WAS. AWESOME.

The class was held over on the west side in a big tent. Not a circus tent, like a, I don't know, a big white thing. I walked inside and right in front of me was a trampoline, a huge net, and an instructor flying and flipping through the air. What was I DOING here?!!?!? I was very tempted to leave when I had a nice NY moment. It turned out I had met GG, our main instructor, on my very drunk Cinco de Mayo last year. Whenever I randomly run into people from my past, I always know I'm in the right place at the right time. So I stayed.

Twenty minutes later, me and the three other first timers had our harnesses on and were ready to fly. The "training" lasted all of 5 minutes. Basically there are two rules: breathe and listen. Do both of these things and you're golden.

I climbed up a 25 foot ladder to the board, chalked my hands, and got into position. Back straight, shoulders strong, pelvis pushed forward, right hand out to the bar, left hand holding on to the railing, toes hanging off the board. GG held on to my harness until it was time to "hep" (aka "go") and the next thing I know I'm swinging through the air. All I kept thinking of was Jay yelling to Silent Bob, "FLY, FATASS! FLY!"

There was another instructor down on the ground who coached me through the timing of it all. And that's really what trapeze is all about, timing and physics. If you can hang, you can do trapeze. Trust me, I can't do a pull up to save my life and I was able to swing from my knees and reach out to an imaginary catcher. (I wasn't ready to do a real catch yet.) GG explained that when you reach the peak point of your swing, you become weightless, giving you the ability to flip your body around regardless of (or despite) your physique and strength.

At first I was like, "weightless?" What does that even mean?? It's like when someone says, "The summers are hot, but it's bearable since there's no humidity." I live in New York, I haven't the faintest idea what "no humidity" feels like so just shut your mouthhole.

Well I know what "weightlessness" means now!!! It feels amazing!!! The only way I can think to describe weightlessness is like a surprisingly fast orgasm. For women anyways.

So how'd I do? I flew four times. The first was fine. The second time I got my legs up to the bar, but wasn't able to do the knee hang. The third time was the worst. It was like a delayed fear or something. All of a sudden I got completely scared to the point where I almost didn't go up again. I couldn't believe how frightened I became, especially after already going twice!

My nerves would have gotten the best of me if it wasn't for this really nice guy Jake. It was his first time too, but he was like a trapeze-savant. He told me I should be scared...leaping and swinging 25 feet in the air would scare anyone! I asked how he stayed so calm and he said (I'm not kidding), "I think of Nightwing."

Nightwing is Robin, as in Batman's former sidekick. He and his parents formed The Flying Graysons acrobat/trapeze troupe. I never would have thought of him (I'm not a DC girl), but once Jake said this I felt so much better. I nailed my fourth and final swing, knee hang and all. Thanks Jake. And Nightwing.

Once Bridget feels better I am totally going again. I highly recommend trying it once in your life, especially with the TSNY. I'm sure I'll be in a lot of pain tomorrow, but it was totally worth it. IT'S TRAPEZE!!! How can it not be worth it??