Circumcised Wine

This was a fast week. I'm pleasantly surprised it's Thursday. Sunday through yesterday morning I felt like shit again. Lightheaded, faint, strong palpitations. I'm not sure what changed, but I feel great today.

I have an interview next Tuesday for an IT consulting firm specializing in legal accounting applications. The recruiter said it's a super small (10 people small) start up that has found a niche market. I don't know if I want it, but shit, money talks right now. My interview for the manager job at Minnow is next week, too so we shall see!

I'm going back and forth about the Minnow job, though. I don't want to report to Nun. This week he had all of his direct reports spend four days (FOUR DAYS) on a good-bye video, speeches, party planning, etc. for Head's departure. It was unreal. The man was FIRED not RETIRED. Plus he was an asshole!! Tennis and Gorilla (the other manager in my department) did zero work all week, even cancelled some pretty important meetings too. Well, publishing important, but you know what I mean. These people do nothing. Nothing I say!

There was a toast to Head this afternoon at the office. I had half a cup of champagne and got WASTED. I knew I was allergic to white wine and never realized that's what champagne is made from. I still don't think I'm allergic to red wine, but I stopped drinking it because I always drink too much of it. Rockstar said the only difference in the processing of red and white wine is they keep the skins on the red grapes. Apparently this means I'm only allergic to circumcised wine. (Hence the post title.)

After work everyone was headed to the real good-bye party at a bar down the block. I skipped it. I didn't feel like going to begin with, plus after the champagne I just wanted to come home. I'll probably regret this decision tomorrow (can't I play the game just once??).

Okay, the truth is I came home in case MD calls. Yes, I'm a loser. I was hoping to hear from him last night. No luck. If I don't hear from him tonight, I need to give up. Again. I'm sure I'll hear from him over the weekend, but I don't want casual. I want romance. In an ideal world he would have called me on his way home from the airport saying "I missed you all weekend. Can I come over right now?" In reality he still hasn't even said the words "I like you." Blerg.

I've never been in this position before. TWSS. I guess it's because the only other person I dated for more than a month was Tat. There was my friend Bucket a few years back and we "dated" for about six months. I wrote "dated" because I wouldn't let him call it that. I said we were "hanging out". What a bitch. Unfortunately we met at the height of my commitmentphobia, so the poor guy had to fight through a pretty thick emotional wall. He eventually got through, but by the time I realized I wanted to give him a real shot he had enough of my crap and we broke up.

I can't help but feel like Bucket right now, chasing someone who is emotionally unavailable. Or maybe MD's just not that interested. It feels so intimate when we are together though, which is why I'm so confused...

Bucket met his now wife the week before we broke up. They are perfect together. If I am him right now, maybe this means the next guy I meet will be The One...

I have no idea what I'm doing.