Caffeinator!!

AAAHAHAHHAHHA!  I had a half decaf/half caf coffee this morning and now my heart won't stop racing and I can't stop typing and my palms are clammy and I JUST LOVE LIFE IN THE MOST FAST PACED WAY EVER.

Deep breaths...deeeeep breaths...

SO, I sent my previous post to Q yesterday.  He liked it and thanked me for the kind words. So awesome!!!

This is what my heart/brain/fingers want to say...

Gaahahahahaahhh coffee coffee coffee. I love MDLL. Do I still need to use nicknames on here? What happens if I just made myself Googleable after all of these years? Nah that would be dumb because I bitch about some people and I don't want to be mean. Maybe I'll clean it up so I'm not mean anymore. I don't like being mean because it's just unnecessary. I wonder if I'll ever reach Buddhahood. Do I want to be enlightened?  Sometimes it's overwhelming to think about. I want to show compassion and help others but there's occasions when I GET SO MAD or judgey and I have to catch myself and say, this isn't nice.  For example, lately I've been seeing women with babies begging for money in the subway. My first thought is, poor baby. Second, child abuse! Third, do they really need the money or is that woman just using her baby to make us feel bad?  I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON.  I feel like such a jerk!!  Am I that jaded and self-absorbed to think that a woman would bring her baby to sit in the hot subway to pull one over on me???  If I have food on me, 9 times out of 10 I will give it to a homeless person.  I like doing this and I feel more comfortable giving them food than money because I don't want them to spend it on alcohol or drugs. Then again, can I blame them if they DID spend it on alcohol or drugs?  I live a great life and I still get fucked up to escape...

I watched Wanderlust last night, the movie where Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd are NYers and end up in a commune/intentional community. I was MacGrubered again, my word for wrongly thinking a movie was going to suck. PS Watch MacGruber.  Can I live without possessions and money and be happy?  Can MDLL and I move to an island and be satisfied?  Can I learn how to type without putting two spaces after a period, which news to me, turns out to be incorrect?  It is ingrained!!


The stories and characters I created in my head a few years ago don't seem to fit who I am now.  This is okay. I don't know what direction I would take a book at this point anyways.  I wouldn't mind being one of the published bloggers of late, taking stories from my life and hoping for a Bossypants type success.  Who doesn't, right?

I'm debating going to kickboxing tonight. BOO. Boo to the debate, that is. I swear there was a time a couple of months ago when I was excited to go workout.  Not lately!  I'm feeling quite sluggish.  I'm blaming it on the 15 pounds I gained this year.  My problem is night eating.  I'm embarrassed to write what I ate yesterday, but maybe it'll help me stop being a piggy:

Breakfast - greek yogurt, banana, Kind GF granola

Lunch - grilled chicken, veggies, and white rice

Snack - M&Ms

After work - a GF turkey sandwich with avocado and hummus, carrots and hummus, two rice cakes with peanut butter, and two fruit ice pops over four hours

I'm afraid to look at the calories...doing it now...

2076 calories. Sigh. COW.  Get this shit!!!!  MDLL stopped drinking and ate healthy for FOUR WHOLE DAYS last week and lost seven pounds.  What a jerk!!  A hot sexy jerk!

Ahhhhhhhh. Caffeine jitters subsided.  Tempted to finish my coffee now and start the nuts up again.

HA! Start the nuts up.

The end.