Thursday, August 2

I went to kickboxing...


If you haven't picked up on this yet, I am very self-conscious about being the Red Faced Wonder. It's a cute name and all, but I am still scarred from hearing "tomatoface" and "You're so red!" for the past 30+ years.  I am also a disgusting sweater, which I only recently came to terms with because I now realize I would die if my body didn't cool itself down.

There are a few people I hope never, ever, ever see me in workout gross:

2. my old boss Keith from the Mighty Bird who had a hippie Thor thing going on
3. Krull, the hot redhead I hooked up with four years ago
4. Rem

Guess who was at kickboxing when I walked in?  Krull! Gah!  I was so embarrassed and I hadn't even taken my shoes off yet!  This is what went through my head:

fuck! he's going to see me all red and sweaty and gross and be like "i'm so glad i didn't stay with that girl" and he's probably all in shape and i'm going to be crying through my pushups and kicking the bag like one of Jerry's Kids and he's going to laugh at me and i'm going to be sick and want to run out screaming gaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I stayed. I'm glad I did. It was good to let my ego get knocked down a bit.  Guess what?  He's Irish. Guess what what?  He gets red and sweaty too...although he still manages to look hot. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Oh right, I don't think I've mentioned we run into each other at least once a month and we emailed a bit when he was looking for a new apartment.  I am so happy about this!  Like I wrote in the post I linked to above, I always thought Krull and I had a good connection.  I admired him, too.  Maybe we can be responsible free spirit friends together!

Is it sad I still don't know how to say I have a boyfriend?  I mentioned I'm heading to Crazy Ass because "I'm still dating MDLL."  The words felt weird as they left my mouth.  Now that I'm writing them it doesn't seem so strange.  I AM still dating MDLL.  I guess the "still" is what bothered me?  I don't know...

It's so interesting to me to be full on in love with MDLL, want to spend the rest of my life with him, maybe have a kid or two, and yet be attracted to other men.  I don't mean attracted as in I want to sleep with them, just an obvious connection.  It's pretty cool, actually!! I never had to keep my dick in my pants before, so any connection usually meant I was banging the dude.  Now that I am in a committed monogamous relationship I get to experience a different kind of relationship with other men in my life.  I like it!

1 comment:

Sue-baru said...

Sweaty red-aced crap totally gets me, too. I hate walking home from work lately because I BACKSWEAT through all my damn shirts. And bringing a shirt and pants to change into seems like cheating, and then I have to carry home the other clothes, and what the hell is the point of that?

Hatred. Fat, fat hatred.