Fuck Jury Duty Part 1

This morning I didn’t mind going to jury duty despite having to sit on a disturbing Law and Order type case a few years ago.   Now jury duty can go fuck itself.

I don’t recall any of this when I had it last time:

1.  You’re treated like ignorant cattle in the Central Jury waiting room. The court employees yell at you to “MOVE DOWN.” “SINGLE FILE.” “NO PHONES.” like you’re deaf, dumb, and mentally challenged.  Granted there are many different languages spoken in Queens, but THE LOUDER YOU SPEAK DOESN’T MEAN PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER.

2.  After sitting in one room for two hours, fifty of us were picked to go to the courtroom.  We all had to sit and listen to the judge and two lawyers ask half of us questions in the jury box.  Why the fuck we all had to be in there was beyond me.  A miserably boring waste of our time.

3.  The WORST part is the judge asked each potential juror personal questions IN FRONT OF THE DEFENDANT. I can understand the lawyers want to know our demographics for a diverse group of jurors, but whose idea was it to let the alleged criminal hear these things??  Are you fucking retarded?  Actual questions:
   a. Where were you born?
   b. Where do you live? Private home or apartment?  Rent or own? How long?
   c. What do you do for a living?
   d. Are you married? If so, what does your spouse do?
  e. Do you have children that work?  If so, what do they do?

4.  On that note, why the FUCK do jurors have to be out in the open? What about our safety? Why can’t we sit behind a one-way mirror or something? To this day I swear we were abruptly let out of my last case because our lives were in danger. That was a murder, drug, and hostage situation.  And they allowed the defendant’s thug friends in the courtroom!  I swear they were studying us.  Scary shit!!  The only thing that made me feel better was my hair was red at the time, so I wouldn’t be easily recognizable once I went back to blonde.

5.  I probably shouldn’t say this because I technically work for lawyers now, but they are all sleazy douchebags.  While I love Matlock and understand innocent people are convicted of crimes, defense attorneys can rot in hell.  This one actually made the analogy that if someone lies you stole their pen, the plantiff can lie the defendant didn't rob them at knife point in the subway.  How do these fuckers look themselves in the mirror?  I'm sorry, I know it should be "innocent before proven guilty", but I don't know if I can always believe it.  That's why I'm not a lawyer.

I called my mom to let her know she may need to bail me out when it's my turn to speak. I am going to give these fuckers a piece of my mind. So this is part 1 of today's jury duty experience.  Hopefully part 2 isn't written after a night in jail.