Mania over.

I had a massive panic attack a few hours ago.  Thanks to Bakes, some deep breaths, and a good cry in my boss's office (she's never here), I feel much better.

Panic attacks are bittersweet.  They are horrible. This is it, this is when I lose all sense of reality, my brain folds into itself and the world will go black.

The sweet part is an epiphany usually follows.  I've been able to reach my Aha! moments without hitting bottom for a while now, but this time I lost my balance.

It was baby-sitting.  I had a glimpse into my future with MDLL and I liked it.  I really did.  I never thought I'd want a family until I met him, so knowing this isn't going to happen threw me for a loop. For a fruitloop, really.  Right now I can't imagine wanting a family with anyone else.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see.