I'm an asshole.

I am fucking miserable. MISERABLE. The minute I decided to not drink and face the pain of this breakup, I began to feel everything. I'm trying to tough it out, but it's not easy. This fucking blows.

If I drink I will call him and make this harder. It will also further delay the mourning period. Maybe I should smoke pot instead.

MDLL joked the other night he should keep me drunk, so that I want to see him. He'd be better off doing so because when I'm sober I fucking hate him. FUCKING HATE HIM.

Why the fuck did he do this?? Why couldn't he just man up and break it off a year ago and admit he's not ready for a serious relationship??

HAHAHAHAHAHA! I just realized he DID say this, but he didn't act like it. Well, except for not getting divorced.

FUUUUUUUUUCK. I'm such an asshole.