When it counts.

After such a lovely date with The Gentleman, I thought I'd have a lovely morning gushing about him. Yeah...not so much.

My stomach was really fucked this weekend and all day Monday. I wasn't in pain, though. My whole abdomen was sore when I moved and to the touch and I was very lightheaded. Tuesday and Wednesday I felt a lot better, although I was struggling to keep my focus at times. It feels like I'm in a fog and the lights can go out any second. I also haven't been hungry at all, which for my 180 pound ass is a definite issue. My steak dinner last night went half uneaten. Blasphemy!

This morning I woke up and felt extra out of it. My stomach was okay, but I was super nauseous and spaced out. I figured it would pass, so I made myself go to work. Plus, as a single person with no roommates, sometimes I'd rather the shit hit the fan in public instead of passing out alone in my apartment.

Well pass out I almost did. The subway ride made me ten times more nauseous and woozy. All I kept thinking is "Just get to work. Just get to work." Breen and Ceej knew I haven't been feeling well, so at least they could explain my symptoms to a doctor should I keel over on my desk.

When I finally got to my office I started bawling. I knew I had to go to the hospital and I was so incredibly embarrassed about it. I know it's silly, but I feel like I'm ALWAYS at the doctor between implants bursting and panic attacks and thyroid stuff, so for me to go back AGAIN was too much. I'm fucking 32 not 82! Damn it Ruth Clare!

Rockstar works at Minnow so I called her, since a) she's one of my best friends and b) she used to have Crohn's really bad and would know what hospital to go to. Without hesitation she got me in cab and off we went to St. Luke's Roosevelt. I was admitted and sort of diagnosed with a virus, possibly an intestinal flu.

FLU!?!?! The fucking flu! I seriously thought I had a bleeding ulcer or something. Thank god I don't, but the flu?!?! I started crying again because I felt even more embarrassed than before. I didn't think I was a pussy, but I guess I am!

It gets better. I had called my parents when I was still at work. Unbeknownst to me, my dad hopped on the first train from NJ and came to the hospital. I started crying AGAIN, this time because I am fortunate.

I don't know if they consistently read this and my dad doesn't at all (please God), but I am so thankful to have such good friends and family. People who will be there when it counts. I've been happily crying all day about it because I realized that I am so blessed to have a phone full of people who would drop anything if I needed them. Ceej and Breen helped calm me down at the office and validated that I should go to the hospital. Rocks sat with me for two hours in the ER. My dad not only travelled from New Brunswick to Manhattan, but also got me in a cab home to Queens, went out to get me ginger ale and crackers, took mass transit back to New Brunswick, and then drove the hour home to Jackson. I feel lucky and guilty at the same time.

The reason I wrote "sort of diagnosed" is the doctor explained there isn't a real diagnosis or treatment for viral infections. I have to let it run its course. I still think it was triggered by a food allergy or a digestive issue, but what do I know.

Actually I do know some things. I know I binge drink, eat poorly, don't exercise, and overstress. I wasn't planning on making any resolutions this year because I never keep them, but after this awful week it's pretty obvious what I have to do. I have to live a healthier lifestyle.

I thought the timing really sucked with the new gig and The Gentleman, but then I remembered I don't believe in timing. If I did, I'd have to say it's perfect. I might have spent my last week at Minnow going out for drinks every night, eating pub grub, and staying out late, slowly making myself sick for my first week at...shit what should I call this new place? I'll call it Biz. I really have no idea what I'm in store for at Biz, so I need to bring my A+ game right off the bat. Not that I wouldn't anyway, but I think I'm going right to a client's office my first day. I definitely want to feel better by then!

So that was my day. Shit always be interesting in these parts!