Barf-o-rama

I seriously can't wait to be a freelancer. I'm sitting here applying to jobs, listening to some Zeppelin and enjoying that I'm a) home, b) wearing nothing but Spongebob Squarebriefs underwear and a Polo Sport fleece, and c) not around people.

The only thing that is bothering me at the moment is the goddamn date I have tonight. I HATE DATING!! If there was a way to skip dating and just be married I. would. do it.

I go on one date a year. One. I'm glad I'm getting it over with in January. Why didn't I think of this before???

Ex-slutbag that I am, I only get laid a handful of times during the year at this point. It sucks, but whatever. Not the sex, the lack thereof. It's not like I can't get any, I just want more than that. Sure I can go out and be like "You're cute, let's fuck." (this works every time), but I don't want to do that anymore. I want a relationship. I want love. I want someone to watch football with, bang during halftime, go out to dinner, and then watch five episodes of Family Guy. While banging. Or not.

Thinking about tonight makes me want to barf. Barf, barf, barf. I may actually puke, but I'm sure that has more to do with the pot of coffee I drank and the Living Room Dance Party I had shortly thereafter.

I've already convinced myself I don't like this guy, for no particular reason. He's really eager about hanging out!! Word to the wise, you want me to like you don't ever ever EVER act like you like me back. EVER. Then I will love you for life. I = dick.

I used to quote Groucho Marx all the time by saying, "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." I realize now this is extremely retarded.

The thing is I totally want to join the club, I just don't want to apply, pay membership fees, or have to do any actual work to be in it. Isn't there a club that let's anyone join???

Ouch. As a wrote that I cringed. What am I saying?? Do I really want to be in the YMCA of dating?? Ummmm, NOOOO!!!

Ugh, ugh, ugh. Will someone please just marry me and end this dating crappootie??