I suck. Suck, suck, suck.
Okay I don't suck (unless you're cute, snootch!), but I am feeling down. Today was the first day I felt completely awful about being unemployed. Why today of all days? Because I didn't make a to-do list.
I've been keeping myself pretty busy during the day. I don't want to get into a depressive, daytime-TV-watching funk so I make sure to have a list of things to do during the hours of 9am-5pm. I figure I won't be unemployed for too long (please Shizza), so I want to make the most of this time and catch up on all the things I've been meaning to get done.
Well yesterday I never got around to writing my to-do list, even though I stayed up until 2am. Last night I said fuck it I won't set my alarm, might as well sleep in. It's not like I have anywhere to go or anything to do...
STUPID! I woke up at 11am and stared at my ceiling. Nothing. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. So I laid in bed for a while totally frustrated. Then I cried. Then I got pissed.
I did everything I could to avoid a mental shitstorm. I talked on the phone, wrote in my journal, exercised, applied to jobs, danced. I fought it for as long as possible; it finally got the best of me around 3pm. I hulked out.
I have a 2-drawer storage unit by the side of my bed that I use as a nightstand. The nightstand has two polar opposite uses: in one drawer is the shit I use on a daily basis (make-up, brushes, toiletries), the other is shit I never use and won't get rid of (unopened baseball card packs, pantyhose, my eyeglasses from college).
Within a week of buying the nightstand, my Never Use drawer broke. I put so much junk inside that the bottom fell out. I ripped the front of the damn drawer off in order to fix it, but I never got around to finishing it. This was seven months ago. Since then I've left the drawer wide open, only propping up the front to cover my crap when my folks come to visit. Ghe-tto.
Which brings us today. As I was about to pound my chest and blow a gasket, I took one look at the drawer and freaked. That's right...I unleashed my fury on the poor nightstand.
You know what makes me happy when skies are gray? A hammer. A hammer is my sunshine.
I dumped everything out of the nightstand, grabbed my hammer, and some nails AND BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THIS THING. Every pound meant I was getting closer and closer to straightening out my life. It was extremely therapeutic....and totally awesome.
About twenty minutes later, the drawer was fixed. It probably has way too many nails in it (and by "probably" I mean "definitely"), but it's all finished. And so is tomorrow's to-do list.
Wednesday, January 9
I suck. Suck, suck, suck.