Friday, January 25


Last weekend I had my first class at SVA. It was a six hour course on Mac Basics. I now know how to turn on a computer, save a file, create a new folder, and how to change my screen saver. GO ME.

The Mac class wasn't completely worthless though as it's a prerequisite (I forgot this word existed) to my Photoshop classes this coming weekend. Only problem is I AM THE WORST STUDENT EVER!!

I have the attention span of a fly on speed. If the teacher doesn't immediately engage me in the subject I go off into Thighs-la-la-land. Doodling, hair twirling, finger gnawing, quizzing myself on the periodic table of elements LA LA LAND.

Naturally this worried me. Is going back to school the right thing for someone with adult ADHD? Am I retarded to think this will work out? What do I do?!?

Well last night was my Cartooning Basics course. I almost didn't go for two reasons. One, I was worried I'd get so bored that I'd do my taxes. Two, I was scared that I would love it.

That's right. Still scared. I was so scared that I started crying on my way there. I had to do Lamaze breathing just to open the damn door.

Three hours later class was over. It felt like 10 minutes had gone by. The only way I can describe the experience is this:

I felt like yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life.

There have been many moments in my life that, while happening, I knew would change me forever. Meeting PJ, moving to NY, meeting the Petes, getting hired at Company, meeting Red, Rage, and DaQ. I honestly don't recall being this conscious of how those moments would impact me though, probably because I was still a crazed booze-hound. It's different now. I'm different.

I'm more aware of who I am, what I want, and where I will go in life. Aware and ACCEPTING. My twenties were one big mindfucking internal war with Me leading one side, I leading the other. Both were skilled at the art of combat; neither were going to back down. The war raged on until a few months ago when I finally asked Myselves one simple question:

Why were we fighting in the first place?

You know what? We don't care anymore. The war is over now. Me and I have signed a peace treaty. We are no longer fighting Our true selves.

This is why I know in my heart and soul that last night was a special moment. It was the first day that we were living in harmony. The first day of the rest of Our life.

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