Someone Assemble!

Dear Mr. Garbage Man,

I wish you didn't have to work when it's as cold as it is tonight. Really, I do.

That being said, can you do me a small favor and NOT wear a full-on ski mask to keep warm???

While I don't scare easy, seeing a large figure dart from behind a garbage truck is bothersome. I'm sure it would be for anyone, tripod or non-tripod.

But when that same large figure runs toward me dressed as the stereotypical bank robber and/or rapist, I become not only frightened, but slightly autistic as well. My synapses are so slow to react that I can actually hear the message they are sending to my brain: "Man...in...mask...running...towards...me. This...is...bad."

When I was finally able to comprehend the situation, I found I also do not try to run or cry for help. Instead I create a mental flipbook of the superheroes who should be coming to rescue me.

The joke is that it's not even a flipbook-phonebook of how to reach any of them in an emergency situation (ie The Bat Signal). It's more of a costume fashion mag with pages upon pages of superhero outfits from the neck down. Worthless.

So there you have it. Please don't ever wear the ski mask again. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Thighs "Hershey Swirls" McGee