Thursday, January 31

Male tendencies

The last 19 hours of my life is further proof that I am turning into a dude.

6pm to 1am:
Me and a couple of my buds went out to dinner and then to see Rambo. That's right, ladies. While you are trying to see all of the Oscar contenders, I went to see a Razzie contender.

The movie is flat out awful. The dialogue sucks, the actors suck, the plot sucks. The first 35 minutes are filled with the most horrifying images of men, women, and children being beaten, murdered, and raped. It was disturbing and completely unnecessary to take us to that level. The only things that got me through those scenes were a) the ridiculous dialogue and b) knowing the bad men were all going to die.

I love carnage. I really do. The bloodier and more ludicrous the rampant murder is, the better. BUT (and this is a huge, obese woman butt) I only love death and dismemberment when it's warranted, ie the pure fucking evil shitfucks that killed innocent people for no reason. Bad men should die.

And boy, did they die. IT WAS GLORIOUS BAD MEN DEATH. Rambo, Rambo, Rambo. You are my hero.

The rest of the movie was still a stinkin' pile of dog shit, but the action was totally worth my $11. I cheered, I laughed, I cried. I won't ruin any of the good scenes for you, just take my word for it. GO SEE RAMBO. In fact I may have to see it again.

1am to 2am:
I have a problem. It's not alcohol, although I have been drinking again. When I'm out at a bar I limit myself to 4 beers with water in between. I don't need to be a drunk again. I really don't.

My problem? For about two weeks now, on my home from a bar I have to stop and buy food. Not just any food either. My new late night snack tradition: a carton of milk and a one-sleeve box of Oreos.

The ritual doesn't stop there either. I sit on my living room floor indian-style, my Man Show mug filled with milk, the Oreos laid out beside it. Why the Man Show mug? It's huge and has a wide rim for easy cookie-dunking access.

I ate the whole sleeve. So much for losing weight.

2am to 10am:

10am to 1pm:
I checked email, job searched, pinto rubbed, exercised, took out garbage, went for a walk. I also decided to go to the diner for breakfast. I was craving a cheese omelet and "diner toast," buttered whole wheat perfection.

Why is today man-like? My breakfast was delicious, exactly what I wanted. The best part of it was not the food though; Sudden Death was on the diner's television. And it was without sound, which when it comes to Van Damme movies, is sometimes a real treat. I watched him kick the shit out of the Pittsburgh Penguins mascot without any dialogue, just the close captions reading "grunting" and "grease bubbling."


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